I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
