the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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