Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
