so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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