I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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