He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
