At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
