did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The power of my boobs compel you
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
