Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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