Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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