i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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