You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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