Taylor Swift is so right about you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
