Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize