i dont even know how to be here
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
