Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
babies were throwing up all over the place
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
