Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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