I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize