Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Randomize
