News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
