You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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