you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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