how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize