Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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