it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
