I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
