Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
