I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
