return my video game
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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