Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
