Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
