On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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