You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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