I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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