I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
