These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
