I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
