My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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