So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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