So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
