You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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