Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just invented taco cereal.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize