i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
