Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
