I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
