Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
thus making me awesome and them whores
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
