There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
