wrigley field is MILF paradise
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
