Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
