Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
