ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
