I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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