My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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