hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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