I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
