It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
