So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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