3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
