Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
