i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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