i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
