So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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