I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
