those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Help. Why am I so naked?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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