I wish my penis had an off switch
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
