I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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