I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
