dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
