note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
