Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
