I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
