Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
