well I can't set my house on fire every night
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
