Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she looked like the before picture.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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