you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
