Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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