In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
