uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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