Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
