Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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