Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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