Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
