oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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