I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
