I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
