He is an equal opportunity slut.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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