I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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