Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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