Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
