if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
