She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Someone shattered a urinal.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
