i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
