Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
