so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There's always time for handjobs
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
