I think I am morally bankrupt
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
