i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
