margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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