It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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